Accepting the New Normal

I know we are all SO tired of hearing “this is the new normal” when it comes to COVID, however, this post has nothing to do with COVID so…I am going to capitalize on the phrase! So, thank God, we are all evolving and changing every day – the meme “if you knew me when I was 15, you don’t know me at all” is actually ridiculously accurate! In which case, we have to accept the new person that we’ve become – “the new normal”! It’s not always easy to evolve and accept change in our lives – sometimes it includes cutting people out of our lives, sometimes it means changing who we are and how we act, sometimes it’s a matter of changing diet and routine and sometimes we don’t even realize it’s happening, but massive change is happening. Regardless of what form it comes in, we have to accept it and embrace the new normal when it happens.

So, personal story time! Over a year ago (June 2019), I began having severe stomach issues – constant nausea, throwing up undigested food, terrible stomach cramps and unbelievable bloating. I went through 3 full months of testing and labs and images and doctor’s appointments before we found what we thought was the problem – gastroparesis (delayed emptying of the stomach). After a horrible reaction to the medication to fix the problem (for more details read Learning to Live with a Neurological Disease) and 3 more months of testing, imaging, labs and doctor’s visits, we found out that it was actually a gallbladder issue. However, throughout this time I was also taking 18 hours of classes in my last semester at Texas Christian University. The issue alone took a heavy toll on my mental health, but add that with applying to grad school, finishing up my last semester (with extra course hours) and trying to completely change (and explain) an almost strictly liquid diet and my mental health was pretty much rock bottom.

Luckily, in November, we figured out the gallbladder issue and were able to get that removed and the symptoms were hopefully going to be fixed from here on out. EXCEPT, that wasn’t quite the case. I had relief from the nausea, stomach cramps and bloating for about 6-7 months. However, back in June of this year, I started having all of these issues again. Since then, I have had to completely change the way I eat (or more like drink) and have had to learn how to live life through the nausea and pain (while also learning not to wear tight jeans like ever). Ultimately, my life has had to change drastically all over again (and COVID has had absolutely nothing to do with it). Life changes are never easy, whether they’re choosing a college or significant other or friends or whether its dealing with health issues or whether its realizing that your clothing is out of date (yes, that is fairly frivolous, but still its change), but as this post started, we have to accept those changes.

I wish I could tell you guys that it has been easier this time around since I have prior experience dealing with it all, but it’s absolutely not. I have struggled significantly since these issues have started up again, mixed with more tests and doctor’s visits (virtual, so far, thankfully). I have cried almost nightly while curled up in pain, praying for relief from both the physical and the mental pain. I have made the people around me miserable on multiple occasions due to feeling crappy. I have put off blog posts and schoolwork due to a lack of energy and drive. Everything in my life has seemed to be put on hold or done at the very last minute. And to top it off I have had to give up working out due to a lack of energy from the liquid diet and consuming (usually) under 1000 calories a day. Ultimately, it sucks, and, no, I am not writing this to get attention, this is just my truth and my new normal.

I also wish that I could tell you guys that there is an easy way to accept this new normal. For me, if it is still the gastroparesis, I have little options to potentially fix the problem. In which case, this really is my new normal (long-term at that). So, I am working to accept it. I am looking for ways to see the positive in the situation (for instance, I have lost weight without having to step foot on a treadmill or break a sweat – other than just from heat). I am working to find new foods that I can add to my diet that are nicer to my stomach than an In ‘N Out Burger and fries. I am finding that I can have normal moments and those are the times that I need to capitalize on spending time with loved ones, so they get my full attention. Lastly, I have learned that you can hang out with friends and it not be focused around drinking – good friends accept you as you are and just want what is best for you even if they do not fully understand it.

Overall, I am just working to accept that this new normal is what is best for me – at least it is right now. This may not be my new normal forever (it may just be a season), but it could also be forever. Either way, I must accept this new normal. It’s not easy, it’s damn near the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, but I am working every single day to get better and work through the issues in my life and find a new routine through that new normal. I know it’s not easy nor do we want to do it 90% of the time, but you’re not alone in changing and struggling! I am here for you if you need it – I have been through enough “proving” that I have changed, but again, let’s be real, Cross Canadian Ragweed said it best – “You’re always 17 in your hometown”. So, don’t let the nay-sayers bring you down! You can accept the new you, regardless of what others believe! You always have my support! Reach out if you need to, because I really am here for you! So, Happy Acceptance (or as happy as it can be)!

Much love,

E.S.